


Why Can't I Keep It To Myself?

by Sapphirethurkear13



Category: History (Band)
Genre: :P, I couldn't give Kyungil characteristics that I have so it's really short and not really good, Other, but it means something to me because I do this stuff to myself a lot, it's more so a personal thing, overly sexual self hate, self hate, this one isn't bad at all, trigger warning, yeah for being overly sexual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-25
Updated: 2017-10-25
Packaged: 2019-01-22 20:32:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12490256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sapphirethurkear13/pseuds/Sapphirethurkear13
Summary: What type of leader am I...





	Why Can't I Keep It To Myself?

I get in my room and slam the door closed before collapsing on my bed. 

“Kyungil is such a Daddy.” 

“He can fuck me hard any day~.” 

I squeeze my bed sheets in my hands. 

“Why can't I just relax on stage!” I growl into the pillow. “I always just get so-” I squeeze the pillows in my hands hard and groan, “I get too sexual.” 

“God he's so sex like that!” 

“He's so flawlessly tanned!!”

I yank the pillow away and throw it off of the bed. I scream into the bed and squeeze my eyes shut.

‘I'm a disgrace of a leader! How can I just so freely be so sexual!? This is why we don't get attention! It's because of how I am on stage!’ 

I punch the bed hard and groan. 

“I bet he gets all the girls crawling on him at the clubs~.”

“I'd do anything for him to fuck me!” 

‘International fans don't understand! They might like it but.. An idol can't be like this.. So.. Openly sexual.. It's not right..’ 

I ball up my sheets and tear up a little.

Every night after a concert I get like this. So negative. Why? Because how can I just get so sexual on stage without thinking of how it will effect the band. My band. I’m too focused on myself to even care about my members, our reputation.

Why can’t I just keep this to myself. No one needs to know how I am sexually. Fans, scratch that, people don’t know much of it but they can surely imagine how I am in bed with how I act. 

Fans doesn't know this but all of touch ourselves at least once a day, but everyone else keeps it to themselves. They act normal but I'm not normal. 

I'm a disgrace. 

I'm revolting. 

Disgusting. 

It's a miracle we are still a band with a leader like me. 

I might as well walk on stage with a hard on at this rate! I do things on stage that seem like the equivalent of that!

I have no self control! 

I scream into the bed again and pant softly.

They deserve someone better than me. I'm flawed. I'm not meant for this. My attitude isn't how a leader’s should be. I should be professional and respected. Not see as a Daddy! 

I should be like the other guys! Not.. Not like this! 

It's so pathetic to be like I am on stage! I'm an idol! Not some stripper! Not some perv! Not some sex addic! 

I need to be a better leader!! 

A better idol.. 

Like how I was before!!!

I miss the old me!! 

When we first started and things weren't this bad. Where we were calmer and younger. Not like how we care now. We were innocent for a while then we changed.. 

Then I let myself go and this happened. 

I became a disgrace. 

A loser.

A thirsty loser. 

I'm… I'm thirstier than the fans.. 

What type of leader am I… 

One that… 

That needs to keep it to myself.


End file.
